The First Time I Truly Faced My Numbers / B038
Dec 23, 2025
There was a long season of my life where I avoided my numbers completely.
Not because I didn’t care.
Not because I was irresponsible.
But because I was afraid of what I’d see.
Every unopened bill felt like a quiet accusation. Every bank login came with a knot in my stomach. I told myself I’d look “when things calmed down,” “after the next paycheck,” or “once I had more energy.”
But the truth was simple and hard:
I didn’t trust myself to face the truth yet.
If you’ve ever felt that way, I want you to know this first —
You are not broken. You’re protecting yourself.
For so many women, avoiding numbers isn’t about math.
It’s about emotion, shame, and survival.
Why Facing the Numbers Feels So Hard
For women like you — smart, capable, carrying a lot — money avoidance often grows out of overwhelm, not ignorance.
You’ve been holding everything together:
- kids
- work
- relationships
- responsibilities
- emotional labor no one sees
And somewhere along the way, money became the thing you couldn’t look at without feeling like you’d failed.
I know this because I lived it.
I didn’t avoid my numbers because I didn’t want clarity.
I avoided them because I was afraid clarity would confirm my worst fears.
What if it’s worse than I think?
What if I really messed everything up?
What if I can’t fix this?
Those thoughts kept me stuck longer than the numbers ever could.
The Moment Everything Shifted
The first time I truly faced my numbers wasn’t dramatic.
There was no spreadsheet masterpiece.
No perfectly organized system.
No sudden wave of confidence.
It was quiet.
I sat down with a cup of coffee, opened my bank account, and told myself one thing:
“I’m just here to look — not to judge.”
That was it.
No fixing.
No planning.
No shaming.
Just witnessing the truth.
And something unexpected happened.
The fear didn’t grow.
It softened.
Because once the unknown became known, it lost some of its power.
What Facing Your Numbers Actually Does
Here’s what no one tells you:
Facing your numbers doesn’t make things worse —
avoidance does.
When you finally look, even gently, you begin to:
- replace imagined fear with real information
- separate facts from self-judgment
- regain a sense of agency
- rebuild trust with yourself
Your numbers are not a moral scorecard.
They are simply data — neutral, honest, and workable.
And the moment you allow yourself to see them with compassion, you take your power back.
If You’re Not Ready Yet, That’s Okay
I want to be very clear about this:
You do not need to force yourself into readiness.
Readiness grows from safety, not pressure.
If you’re not ready to look yet, that doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means you’re human.
But when you are ready — even just a little — here’s a gentle place to begin:
- Look at one account
- Choose one moment
- Make no decisions
- Practice zero judgment
That alone counts as progress.
This Is Where Confidence Really Begins
Confidence doesn’t come before you face your numbers.
It comes because you do — kindly, imperfectly, and consistently.
The first time I faced my numbers didn’t fix everything.
But it changed me.
It was the moment I stopped hiding from myself and started becoming someone I could trust again.
And that’s the real beginning of a financially fearless life.
A Gentle Next Step
If you’re ready to take your first step — or even just consider it — I created something for you.
The Financially Fearless Roadmap is a calm, shame-free guide designed to help you face your finances one small, supported step at a time — without overwhelm or judgment.
You don’t have to do this all at once.
You don’t have to do it alone.
